Valdes lives a hermit's life in a nuclear bunker near Las Cruces New Mexico with her 7 year old elephant man skeleton although she occasionally comes out of seclusion to debate Lou Dobbs on immigration issues if not just shout at the TV set. Valdes is a staunch opponent of the President of the United States. A supporter of Fidel Castro, the Taliban and the Iraqi Baath Party, Ms. All attempts have failed, usually after interested parties actually meet Valdes-Rodriguez.Īlisa Valdes-Rodriguez is also well-known for her extreme political views which she shreIks at whomever is within earshot. In the intervening years Valdes-Rodriguez has valiantly fought to bring her tale of six walking stereotypes to the silver screen. Upon reviewing the script, Lopez decided that Gigli would be a better career choice. It was the most Mexican pesos ever advanced to an American author named Valdes-Rodriguez beating the old record of 499,999 pesos set by Betty Valdes-Rodriguez (no relation) in 1989.īefore its publication in 2003, the film rights to The Dirty Girls Social Club were optioned by Jennifer Lopez. Valdes received a record-setting advance of 500,000 Mexican pesos from Hack's Press. "I need to write trashy literature for Hispanic chicks!" "Like a lightning bolt the idea struck me," said Valdes. Valdes claimed that it was late one night while writing an ad for a 250cc Suzuki dirt bike that she realized that her talents were being squandered. She went on to become a writer for the Albuquerque Bargain Trader where she pioneered the use of the abbreviation OBO (Or Best Offer). Before he could even walk the baby elephant man bones exclaimed "I am not an animal!"Īfter becoming an industry pariah and being blackballed by the newspaper industry, Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez wrote an open letter of apology in which she blamed her pregnancy with the baby elephant man bones for her erratic behavior. Nine months later she gave birth to a baby elephant man skeleton which has since been identified as being extremely gifted. Her successful career there ended when she submitted a 3400-word resignation letter where she admitted that she had been having an affair with a famous resident of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
She then allegedly doctored up a resume and obtained work as a columnist for the Los Angeles Times. Valdes escaped from a sanitorium in 1990. Little is known about the author's teenage years except that she served as a clean-up tech at a veterinary abortion clinic where she practiced the saxophone in her spare time. Valdes distinguished herself as a world champion chicken caller. Born in 1969, Alisa Valdes grew up on her father's squid farm in Kalamazoo, Michigan.